Catching a grenade

The chaotic sound of the sirens around me destabilize my thoughts and make me doubt my motives. The flashing blue and red lights complemented well the fully armed and bullet proof vest wearing officers. I was surrounded and they were asking me to surrender. My head down staring at my blue converse sneakers I tried to understand how a simpleton like me ended up in a situation like this. I have always been an average kind of guy: average height, average weight, average brains, average everything. I presume the only thing that differentiated me now from many other average guys was the weapon I had grasped in my hand, the most lethal of all weapons. 

She stood in front of me with her brown locks cascading down her back. Her hazel eyes imploring me to give in to the injustice I felt. Could it be, that only yesterday I was in the library studying for my finals?

“Put the weapon on the ground. We have you surrounded”. I can feel the sniper’s red beam on the back of my head. A warning I ought to follow if I desired to live. I wish I could melt unto the gray pavement, disappear into thin air, or reverse time and prevent myself from ever having uttered those deadly words. Regrettably, this is real life and not a movie set.  Here, you have to fight your own battles. You can win, be a self-proclaimed hero, or lose and dwell in your pool of victimized misery. Today is my time to lose. I wonder if I will have a tomorrow. The seconds tick by as I stand puzzled by the decision I must make.

I thought I had it all figured out. I loved her -love her- , I wanted to spend all my days with her. I imagined us getting married on a beach somewhere with our closest friends and family on a beautiful sunny day, much like today. Destiny has an undeniably funny sense of humor. I saw us moving into a cozy little house with a big backyard for our kids to play. If money became a struggle, it wouldn’t matter because our love would keep us together. In our home I saw us grow old together, and on the weekends our daughters and sons would visit. And on a warm autumn day she will inhale her last breath, ready to take on the next journey without fear, knowing I would be waiting on the other side.

For her lovely smile, I was ready to cross oceans and back. I would of protected her from blizzards and tides, lions and wolves. I would of done anything and everything for her. With this beauty alongside me, my life would be complete. For her, I surrender.

I lift my head, and look her once more. Pity fills her eyes as a single tear strolls down her cheek. At loss of words, she turns away blending into the crowd.  I look around as the ghostly armed figures I had imagined, dissolve into the mass surrounding me. People coming and going are carrying on with their daily business,  unaware that at this precise moment my life just came crumbling down.

Held in my grasp is the most lethal of all weapons, my heart.